Saudi King Admits to Deal with Devil, Qaddafi Claims; Crown Prince Abdullah Tells Him to Mind Own Business

By Ahmed Nassef

Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi is to Arab League summits what Old Faithful is to Yellowstone National Park. More than just being counted on to spew hot air (most of his colleagues in the League are quite adept in that art), Qaddafi is the sole reliable cause for excitement in these otherwise mundane, sad gatherings of sorry potentates and incompetent tyrants.

Especially with the ubiquity of the satellite news network, Al Jazeera, Arabs look forward to Qaddafi's trademark injections of humor as each Arab League Summit nears. (Before Al Jazeera, many of Qaddafi's shenanigans were hard to come by due to tight state controls over most media outlets throughout the region.)

His last masterpiece came a week before the start of the "emergency" Arab summit in Cairo back in 2001 when he appeared live on Al Jazeera to announce that he had already been given the meeting's draft closing communiqué. He then promptly read the whole document, complete with the participants' grateful acknowledgement of Egyptian President Husni Mubarak's generous hospitality during the Summit, a meeting that was yet to take place.

But the situation is such in the Arab world that nothing like this causes much embarrassment any more. Even though Qaddafi's revelation explicitly confirmed what everyone suspected, the Summit convened as planned, the empty communiqué was issued, and President Mubarak was indeed hailed for his hospitality.

Now let's fast forward to this week's Arab League Summit that just concluded in the Egyptian resort of Sharm El Sheikh.

The logistical issues leading up to this one-day meeting were especially absurd, even by Arab League standards. First there was the issue of the meeting's location. Although it was supposed to take place in Bahrain since Bahrain's ruler Hamad Bin Isa Al-Khalifa, fresh from his self-promotion from "Prince" to a more authoritative sounding "King", holds the rotating chair, the thought of holding a meeting to declare opposition to an invasion of Iraq in Bahrain, the home of the US Fifth Fleet, was a little unnerving even to the Arab League. So after some diplomatic haggling, the Summit was moved to Egypt.

Then the next big controversy was the timing. While the rest of the world was engaged in massive upheaval over the prospect of an unprovoked invasion of Iraq, while the leaders of France, Germany, and Russia were shuttling back and forth between their respective capitals to forge a common strategy against the United States in the UN Security Council, the Arab kings and presidents-for-life were too busy arguing over whether to have the meeting at the beginning or middle of March. Apparently, some of the leaders were concerned that the water in Sharm might be a bit on the chilly side in early March, but Mubarak assured them that they have nothing to worry about.

When the meeting finally took place Saturday, Arab viewers tuned in to find out what "Brother Leader" Qaddafi had up his sleeve. (After weeks of threatening to boycott the meeting, Qaddafi decided to attend after heavy prodding by Mubarak for the sake of "Arab unity.")

He did not disappoint.

In his extemporaneous remarks to the assembled heads of government, Qaddafi recalled a conversation he had with Saudi King Fahd right before the start of the first Gulf War. When urged not to allow the US military to use Saudi territory, Qaddafi quoted King Fahd, "The Guardian of the Two Holy Places," as saying, "We are willing to deal with the devil if we have to."

Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah (King Fahd is barely able to wake up in the morning let alone travel to Egypt for a summit meeting) angrily interrupted Qaddafi during the public session, calling him a liar and telling him to mind his own business.

At this, the cameras of Egypt's state controlled television stopped the transmission.

Sorry, uh, we've encountered some technical difficulties.

Then after a closed session, the Arab League issued their courageous unanimous declaration against an invasion of Iraq.

Meanwhile, most of the League's members (including all the Gulf states) are actively and openly providing assistance to the US invasion force.

Don't worry; there is nothing wrong with this picture.

On a day when Turkish parliamentarians taught the world about democracy, Arab leaders showed their mastery of duplicity.

And Old Faithful blows its top every 79 minutes.