Scalia Joins Saudi Supreme Court in Wake of Sodomy Dissent

By Ahmed Nassef

In a development that has rocked the legal world, Saudi Crown Prince Abdullah announced today the appointment of US Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia to the Saudi Permanent Council for Scientific Research and Legal Opinions (CRLO), Saudi Arabia's equivalent of the US Supreme Court.

The announcement followed Scalia's scathing dissent in the US Supreme Court's 6-3 decision Thursday against the State of Texas, declaring its sodomy law unconstitutional.

In an attack on the Court majority, Scalia declared: "Many Americans do not want persons who openly engage in homosexual conduct as partners in their business, as scoutmasters for their children, as teachers in their children's schools or as boarders in their home. They view this as protecting themselves and their families from a lifestyle that they believe to be immoral and destructive."

In an official statement, Abdullah praised Scalia for his views. "Justice Scalia has been in the forefront of protecting the family values that all Saudis hold dear. He will find a welcoming new home in Riyadh, and he won't have to worry about anti-sodomy laws being overturned here," he said.

Although the appointment of Scalia, a professed Roman Catholic, to the top Wahhabi judicial body in Saudi Arabia has raised some eyebrows in the Arab world, Abdullah maintained that he sees no potential difficulties. "Look, when you analyze Justice Scalia's long record on the Supreme Court of the United States, you will see that he has consistently upheld the views of Shaykh Abdul Wahhab," he said. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Abdul Wahhab is the founder of Wahhabism, Saudi Arabia's official brand of Islam.

The announcement has also caught many American conservatives by surprise. "Sure, we've run lots of articles condemning Wahhabis for exporting terrorism and such, but you know, may be we were a little hard on them," said Richard Lowry, editor for the National Review, who had previously entertained "nuking Mecca." "When you come right down to it, we have a lot more in common than I used to think," he said.

When asked about whether he agreed with the prohibition against women voting in Saudi Arabia, Scalia replied, "Since men are not allowed to vote there either, I think they're on firm legal ground there. Besides, I believe the US Congress took sides in the culture war when they passed the 19th Amendment, upholding a woman's right to vote back in 1920. Until then, the denial of suffrage for women was the law of the land."

As for not allowing Saudi women to drive, Scalia countered, "Many Saudis do not want females to engage in driving. They view this as protecting themselves and their families from a lifestyle that they believe to be immoral and destructive. And it also protects women from being ticketed for driving violations."

It was unclear at press time when Scalia would officially assume the new post, and rumors persisted about continued negotiations with Chief Justice William Rehnquist and Justice Clarence Thomas to join him at the CRLO.