Husband and Hijab

By Omar Gatto

I am a husband of a Muslim woman. She wears hijab, the headscarf. I like to make films. This is the story of hijab within a relationship as if it were a film.

Camera pans to a young man talking on a phone:
"So, you know that when we get married, we will probably live on the military base."

Cut to a young woman holding a phone in her delicate hand:
"Oh, if it is a problem to wear hijab, then I can take it off."

Camera zooms onto the face of the young man on the phone to capture his widening eyes:
"Oh, no, you don't have to do that! You will be living in America; we are free to practice our religions the way we want. You can still wear it."

Camera cuts back to the young woman sitting in her kitchen. Enter the father, with long beard, glasses and traditional clothing:
"Who are you talking to?"

Camera focuses on the fear in the young woman's eyes:
"I'm, I'm talking to him, my fiancee. He said I can still wear hijab in America."

Camera takes a wide shot of father talking to his daughter to capture the dynamic between them, or lack thereof:
"Mashallah, I knew he was the right man for you. He is a good Muslim. He deserves a good Muslim wife."

Camera cuts to the young man with a worried look on his face and heightening tension in his voice:
"What did your dad say?"

Camera cuts to the young woman who is nervously fingering the phone cord:
"Yes, it is the duty of a Muslim woman to wear hijab to keep the honor of Islam."

Camera cuts to the young man, with a grin on his face:
"Oh, certainly, how true. So, he's still standing next to you, eh..."

Camera flashes sequences of the young couple's life over the next few years. We see glimpses of astonishment upon entering a new home, nights out at restaurants, shared happiness during travel, a sad goodbye on the airfield, typing fingers on a computer keyboard furiously writing out a letter of anger, a happy welcoming at the pierside, driving to new places, more tearful farewells at airfields and happy reunions at the same places.

Camera shows twin buildings in flames as another airliner collides with history in New York.

Camera follows the still-young woman running into a bedroom:
"Habibi!! Wake up!! Get up!!"

The camera captures the woman shaking the also still-young man from a slumber never again allowed to be so sweet. Camera focuses on him:
"Huuhhh..."

Camera cuts back and forth between the faces of the couple:
"Your commander called! You have to go!!"
"Whaaa, to do what? Where? I just came baaaaack..."
"They attacked New York and the Pentagon."

The still-young woman sobs as the still-young man bolts upright in bed. They run into the living room to watch the rerunning clips and hold each other, wondering what the next days and weeks will bring for them.

The camera shows the sun rising, since it was still dark where the couple lived thousands of miles from where this event occurred.

Camera shows the young man stuck in traffic, holding a mobile phone as he honks his horn:
"Sweetness, the base is closed! I can't get on. I called my unit and they're ordering us to return home and assemble our battle gear."
"Ya rabb! Where will you go?"
"Don't know if even we will, you know... But, listen, don't go out, OK."

Camera backs away from the car and cuts to the still-young woman:
"Oh, uh, I need to go to the store! Damn it!"
"Do you really have to?"
"Habibi, do you really think people will hurt me?"
"Well, it's hard to miss you with the hijab on! Please don't go alone and not with it on, OK?"
"OK. I'll wait."

The camera fades to black for several seconds, then returns two years later to show the man with an infant in his arms. He places the baby back into his bassinet. Camera pans to follow the woman entering the room. They leave to the living room. The woman hesitates to ask a question:
"Habibi, you know since my father died, I've been thinking so much about the things he wanted me to do."

Camera cuts to the man, showing us his non-chalantness to his wife's new found 'philosophicalness':
"Oh, which things are you talking about?"
"Well, he always forced me to wear hijab, and then you wanted me to wear it also..."

Camera zooms in to the man, who has now turned to fully face his wife on the sofa and cuts back and forth between them as they converse:
"Uh, where is this going?"
"Well, I want to be my own woman and do the things I think are right for me."
"Well, sure. Who doesn't?"
"Well, I want some things to change..."
"Whaddya mean? You don't want to be Muslim anymore?"
"I NEVER said that!"

The Camera zooms to frame both faces as they are only inches apart. The man accuses the wife:
"Aha! I knew it! You want to take it off, don't you?"
"But, I'm tired of people looking at me like I'm an alien!"
"Yeah, but we've been pretty lucky since no one has ever insulted us on the street. People in Hawaii don't care."
"Yeeeesss they DO!"
"So, you want to give in, then?"
"I'm tired of holding the burden!"
"Well damn! What else of our religion do you want to put down?!"

Camera zooms in on the still-young woman:
"Nothing! I love being Muslim and praying; I just should wear it when I feel it is right for me, not because someone else orders me to."
"Oh, for crying out loud, woman!"
"Here, then you wear it!"
"I don't have to!"
"That's so insensitive of you..."

The camera fades to black again, returning months later to show a toddler crawling on the floor with the two parents smiling at each other:
"We did a good thing with this baby, huh?"
"We sure did, Habibi."

The camera backs out to show the whole family. The man picks up the child and walks out the door with the woman carrying the toddler's day bag. Camera shows them arriving at a cafe, which is crowded and full of people talking about the mundane and the brilliant. Camera cuts to showing the toddler sleeping in his stroller. Focus on the man as he puts down a demitasse of espresso:
"So, are you still thinking about not wearing hijab?"
"Is that all you think about?"
"No, but I've been so used to you wearing it all these years and it's kind of weird thinking of you not wearing it, you know?"
"No, I will not wear it after we move."
"So, you mean that you will still wear it here?"
"Yes, I don't want to deal with people talking badly about you."
"I'm the man… why would they say crap about me?"
"Oh, you know, they will say you can't control your family."
"Oh, screw them. It's my country, and we'll do as we please."

The camera zooms in on the woman as she smiles and says slowly:
"So, you're OK with it?"
"No, not really, but I always remember the ayah, laa ikraha fi'd-din There is no compulsion in religion."
"Oh, you think I am bad?"
"I didn't say that, just that I wish you could still wear it. It's nice to feel, or at least look like a Muslim family. But, I won't hold it against you, I love you!"

Once again the camera fades to black to signal the passage of time. We return to hear a phone ring at the family's home:
"Hello"
"Salaams, girl!"
"Hey, Habibi. How are you?"
"Hey, check this."
"Are you going somewhere again?"
"How did you know?! Yeah, they want us to replace the guys who've been there too long. And, uh, they want us there in three weeks..."
"WHAT! Ohhh..."

The camera cuts to the woman and child waving goodbye aboard a military base.

Camera cuts to another scene of the man sitting in front of his laptop somewhere far from home in a spartan tent, hooked up to a pirated broadband internet connection. The man has been reading his favorite website as of late, muslimwakeup.com, following a particularly interesting article about hair and the Muslim woman. We see him reading with interest the comments. He sits back and ponders for a while and paces the room thinking aloud to himself. Then we see him sit back down and take a long sip from the only cold soda around. He clicks a mouse button and starts typing, choosing his words carefully:

(The man's voice reads the email out loud)

{{
...But, this brings me to the big shocker you may not expect. I think if you don't feel right wearing Hijab, then don't do it. I've been reading more on MWU, especially the latest article about "Bad Hair" (read it, too) and especially the comments after it. I'm not truly convinced anymore that Hijab is a requirement. I'm conflicted because it was taught to me and I've read all the 'evidence' about it, but there are very convincing arguments about it being a cultural custom, something emphasized after colonialism to make Muslims (women, that is) different from the West, even as Muslims were becoming more Western on the surface every day. That and the fact that I should not compel you to wear it or not wear it, leads me to this. It's really up to you how and when. Naturally, I think you should still avoid mini-skirts, cleavage and so on in public because I still do believe that such displays are not modest and modesty is mentioned in the Quran and not just Hadith.

So, do you want to wait until I come and we go out together without it sometime in limited circumstances until you are comfortable? Maybe wear it low with a lot of the top showing like sometimes you did before? But, please, no bandanas... Oy, we'll have to pay more for hair styling then, eh? *But* of course I am conflicted because it seems we are becoming less Muslim as time goes by, so along with the removal of the outer stuff, let's concentrate on the inner stuff such as Salat, Fasting and so on. I think if we made them more meaningful, I would have no conflicts with you removing hijab because for me, it's more important to worship and be pious than to look like it because of a cloth on the hair. So, let's agree to pray more and together and read Quran as a family, OK? It puts me in a better mood and more comfortable with whatever may be bothering me that day; it helps me put the little things in perspective when I read the Quran and pray, so help me and encourage me in this.
}}

The camera later sees the man from behind, in desert fatigues sitting on the passenger side of a military vehicle, rifle between his knees. Swirling dust dims the camera's view. The camera goes into slow motion for several seconds, capturing the man smiling as he turns to his driver:
"You know, my wife..."

The camera records a bright flash emerging in slow motion from the right.

The camera holds a frozen frame for a moment and then fades from bright white into a smiling family portrait of the older man in the uniform of a senior Marine, his school-age children and his wife fashionably dressed ...with no scarf.

Omar Gatto is a Sergeant in the Marines serving abroad and resides with his wife and baby son in Hawaii. A student of Islamic languages and cultures, Omar will begin his doctorate next year.