The Secret of Why Only Men Can Lead Prayer: An Interview with Saudi Scientist Dr. Muhammad bin Saad an-Nutfah

By Abu Fatoush

Over the President’s Day holiday I decided to take a much needed vacation on Saudi Arabia’s eastern coast. While the primary purpose of my vacation was a day or two stretched out on its lovely beaches and perhaps to take in a little nightlife, I also went to interview one of the country’s most controversial Islamic scholars, Dr. Muhammad bin Saad an-Nutfah. Dr. an-Nutfah, along with Saudi Arabia’s top scientists, has isolated the precise location in the male body from which the power to lead prayer originates.

I spoke with Dr. an-Nutfah at his seaside home in Ra’s al Khafji.

Abu Fatoush: Dr. an-Nutfah, let me express first off how grateful I am that you set aside time for this interview.
Dr. an-Nutfah: My pleasure. While I disagree with most everything you write, I am always happy to have an opportunity to clear up misconceptions about Islam held in the west.

AF: Thank you. Shall we dive right in?
An-Nutfah: Definitely

AF: You are aware that there is growing movement in the west to have women lead prayer in the mosque?
An-Nutfah: I’d heard something about it.

AF: And your research has found scientific evidence that women cannot lead prayer?
An-Nutfah: Yes we have.

AF: What it is? I may ask.
An-Nutfah: Well my staff has found that the essence of Quranic knowledge resides in the male’s right testicle. And since most women are born without a right testicle, they are barred from achieving the level of Quranic knowledge required to lead prayer. It is all quite simple really.

AF: Interesting. How were you able to isolate the right testicle as the point of origin?
An-Nutfah: This was arrived at through a matter of scientific deduction. Men and women are quite similar in their basic physiology with the exception of the sexual organs in which and men differ. Contrary to popular belief the brain is not the primary organ for thought. In terms of basic knowledge and reasoning, yes. But the brain is ill-suited for total religious thought. This is where the testicles come in.

AF: Fascinating.
An-Nutfah: It’s quite remarkable really. Within the folds of the testis is what we have termed the “Deus Lobe”. The Deus Lobe can be found in most men throughout the world to varying degrees. A team of Italian doctors has verified its existence in test performed Rome.

AF: Why the right testicle and not the left one?
An-Nutfah: Well that’s the sinister testicle isn’t it?

AF: I was not aware of that. Moving on. If a woman were to hold a right testicle in her hand, could she then lead a prayer?
An-Nutfah: Only very briefly, because the testicle has to be warm. But then again where could she get the testicle? As a precaution, I have been wearing a specially designed testicle protector ever since the discovery was made.

AF: Really?
An-Nutfah: Without a doubt. I have spoken with the Minister of Health and he tells me such protection will be mandatory latter this year.

AF: Is there a serious threat of women castrating men for their religious testicles here in Saudi?
An-Nutfah: There have been a few cases. This is why we have been careful about how publish our findings.

AF: Is this testicle finding the scientific reason why men and women cannot pray side by side?
An-Nutfah: Precisely. Can you imaging the bloodbath if women were able to get so close to so much Quranic knowledge? The streets would flow red for days.

AF: Dr. an-Nutfah, I’d like to thank you for spending time with me.
An-Nutfah: It was my pleasure. Protect your right testicle.

AF: I’ll try.