Great moments in Sunnism. Please don't love the Shia.

Question: I am a new Muslimah, and I am wondering what is the difference between a Sunni Muslim and a Shiite Muslim? Is it that one believes in the Hadith and other doesn't (respectively) or is it as my Muslim friend says that a Shiite simply prays differently than a Sunni. How does one determine which catergory one is and can one just be simply Muslim? Insha Allah your answer your provide some clarification to my confusion on this issue.

Fatwa: The beliefs of the Ahl Sunnah wal Jamaah and the Shi’ah differ. The beliefs of some Shi’ah are such that they are totally out of the fold of Islaam, whereas the beliefs of others have caused them to be misguided and they are also out of the Ahl Sunnah wal Jamaah. Marrying them and loving them is not permissible. They are generally recognized by their apparent excessive love for Hadhrat Ali (RA) and his children. They know Hadhrat Ali (RA) to be better than Hadhrat Abu Bakr (RA) and Hadhrat Umar (RA). They believe in twelve Imams, they have a traditional ceremony in the month of Murraham because of Hadhrat Hussain’s martyrdom in it, usually they wear black clothes, and they deceive the Sunnis by lying to them understanding it to be an act of devotion. It is hoped that you will recognize the Shi’as by these signs and you will try to remain far away from them.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Muhammad Ashraf on askimam.org

MWU Responds

Dear Molvi Sahib,

Thank you for initiating the convert sister into the Super-Sunni fraternity. She may have had seeds of compassion for her fellow Muslims in her naive heart. Thank you for killing these seeds now, before they grew out into unruly bushes.

Thank you for not telling the story about how some Shias abduct little Sunni children and then feed their blood to unsuspecting Sunni house guests. Thank you for showing this restraint. We know that took a lot of courage.

The rumor is that the Pentagon is attempting to ferment a Sunni-Shia war in the “liberated” lands. We Super-Sunnis are a proud, independent and capable people. We don’t need outsiders to come in and show us how to distrust and destroy our own brothers. Thank you for showing them who is the boss of that particular crusade.

Muslims (the males ones, at least) are allowed to marry from among the people of the book, but there will be no marrying the Kafir Shia. The Shia Quran probably has a pink cover, even if the words are all the same. Not only are they not Muslim, the Shia are not even people of the book. Thanks for setting this record straight.

Thanks for killing love. This is your most significant accomplishment. Love is bad. Love is weak. Love is New Age. Only the feeble will reach over and pat the head of a Shia child. Love has no place in the Super-Sunni religion of shifty eyes and blackened hearts.

Thank you for setting the bar this high at the Takfir Olympics. Being a Muslim celebrity scholar is hard work, but the job does have its perks. The privilege of willy-nilly declaring other Muslims to be non-Muslims makes up for the poor dental plan. Quarter of a billion eliminated from the ranks of Muslims in one swift blow. This is something to be proud of. This is takfir on a grand scale. Thank you for thinking big.

Congratulations. Your framed picture of the Ayatollah is in the mail.

The MWU team

There is no Shia problem in America
Enough of these heartless molvis of South Africa. We live in America, and thankfully things are different here. Shia scholars and imams do not get equal billing at our Islamic unity events and grand conferences. But that is not important. The important thing is that we do not have separate drinking fountains for the Shia and the “Shia stay out” sign is no longer displayed in public, and they should be grateful for this.

Sunni path and Aryan pride
A prominent Dear-Abby/paint-between-the-lines/Daddy-knows-best fiqh websites in America is called Sunni Path. Does anyone else find this name to be just a little bit creepy? I know that this is a minor offence in the grand scheme of things. Something called Shia This or Shia That probably would have bugged me a little less. This is for the same reason that Black History Month sounds OK, but White Pride Week sounds a tad creepy.

In either case, this Shia-Sunni business has to stop now. Enough Muslim blood has already been spilled over these small penis distinctions of fiqh and faction. If someone finds a Shia Imam who has declared Sunnis to be non-Muslims, please let us know, and we will promptly twist their ears and send them a poster of Muzammil Saddiqui.