"I Have Found My Place in the Muslim Ummah"

By Brittany Sullivan

I'll admit, the way I decide to learn more about Islam was quite silly. But alas, I am thankful for it, for it brought me to where I am now. I had been watching The Daily Show on Comedy Central one night, and the guest on the show was none other than Reza Aslan. He was talking about his book, No god but God and not only was he incredibly eloquent and intelligent, but I couldn't help but recognize that he is also very very good-looking. He sparked my interest, and the next day I went out and bought his book at the local bookstore.

I finished it in just a few days, and quickly became enlightened by the life and teachings of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). He was so liberal and tolerant, no, not just tolerant, but accepting of everyone. Even those he knew were not on his side, he loved and accepted them, and never turned people away. I was touched by the stories of his life, and his wife Aisha, and the more I learned about Islam, the more I wanted to know. I devoured everything I could about Islam. I read articles and novels by Reza Aslan, Asra Q. Nomani, Omid Safi. I accepted everything they had to say.

I had always thought that my "liberal" and "progressive" views were pretty much compatible with Islam. After several months of studying, I felt like I was ready to take the shahada. I was ready to identify as and pray, live and love as a Muslim. I felt like I already was. It wasn't until I started talking to other Muslims that I felt like I would be unacceptable in their eyes, and in the eyes of Allah.

In a few online forums I talked about my newfound passion, and about my own liberal leanings and the reaction I received was truly not what I had expected. Just about every response I got was from people saying that Allah would punish me one day, and that these beliefs were directly conflicting with the Qur'an and with the teachings of Muhammad (peace be upon him.) The more responses I got, the more dissapointed and saddened I become. In my own studying of Islam, I had not felt like these people did, and I felt like because they were born Muslims and raised in that faith, they knew more than me and had to correct.

Honestly, I've never considered Islam to be any different that Judaism or Christianity in the sense that all these religions evolve, reform, become open to new ideas, perspectives, and new interpretations as we live in today's modern world. For example, I know many Christians who are openly gay, who still consider themselves religious Christians, who still go to church and participate in their faith and are often welcomed by their churches as who they are. I know many Jews who get tattoos and piercings (forbidden by Judaism) and don't consider them wrong, and their temples don't consider them wrong. I know many Christians who engage in pre-marital sex, and don't ever consider it sinful. Basically, it seems very easy for well known, 'mainstream' religions to evolve with the changing times, and needs of modern lives. Things that were once considered gravely sinful, sometimes even worthy of death, aren't even issues worth mentioning anymore.

This may be naive, but I think Islam should be no different in that sense, except for the extremeist minority, which exists in every religion. I've known of gay Muslims, who are proudly gay, and proudly Muslim, and proudly liberal for that matter, and for them and their immediate families, it is not particularly an issue, because their families are Arabs and Muslims and it's not only their faith but the culture they grew up in. I am a woman, I do not feel the need to wear the hijab, I consider myself very liberal, I think of men and women as absolutely equal, in society and in families, I believe in pluralism, in science, feminism, gay rights, I smoke cigarettes, I am a vegetarian involved in animal rights, I don't feel the obligation to get married, and I don't feel that anyone should be obligated to marry someone of their own religion, I also 'believe' in dating, which I was told is forbidden is Islam. Honestly, in my family's religion, this things most often would not be an issue in modern society and modern churches. But I feel that as someone wishing to eventually convert to Islam, many Muslims feel that if I truly believe in, and embrace Islam, I must be obedient to even the most traditionalist laws. That because you are a convert, you must constantly prove yourself by following even the oldest, most strict laws.

I believe that religions reform. As I have stated before, that all faiths, with new times, new ideas, new interpretations of scriptures, different viewpoints. When trying to express my concerns with Muslim friends of mine, I've been told that if I have all these liberal views on things, I cannot truly embrace Islam or the Quran, because most of these viewpoints (feminism, gay rights, etc) are strictly forbidden in this religion. In all my months of studying Islam, I never thought this. Was it not the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) who taught us that is it our duty to correct injustices of the world? Did the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) not say to serve our Creator we our to serve our fellow living beings? That we are all brothers and sisters of humanity? Does the Quran not say that we are to be kind to animals, as they have their own modes of prayer and praise, and Allah knows well all that they do? A hadith quotes Muhammad (pbuh) as saying, "A good deed done to an animal is as meritorious as a good deed done to a human being, while an act of cruelty to an animal is as bad as an act of cruelty to a human being."

After feeling like I had had my head bit off several times by people online in forums and many Muslim websites, I decided to contact the author of No god but God, Reza Aslan. He told me things deep down I already knew, but to see it plain in front of myself was comforting.

Part of his email said this:
"Thank you for your kind words, and mashallah on your decision to follow Islam. However, you must be careful, because there are lots of crazies out there and they all have their "authoritative" views on what Islam is and what it is not; what it allows and what it doesn't. Don't listen to any of it. Your faith is between you and God and no one else. Islam is what you consider it to be. It must be a part of your life and your views on life. I have countless gay Muslim friends and encourage you to contact my very good friend Faisal who is the head of al-Fatiha organization (google it). You are at a crucial point in your spiritual journey and you must make sure that no makes your decisions for you. Be strong. Be faithful. Love God. Love God's creation. That's it!"

I decided that he was absolutely right. My faith is between me and Allah, and I worship only Him, and He knows all secrets and all hearts, and if I live true to Allah, love Allah, and true to my soul, there is no one who can testify against me. After I realized this, my heart was at peace, but I still craved acceptance by the Muslim community in my area. I called them up, and asked about volunteering there. They were so friendly and welcoming, and they did not judge me at all.

It has been hard for me to ignore the comments of a small group of traditional Muslims who refuse to accept me, but I stand strong, and continue to love Allah, and love everything and everyone on this earth, because they are Allah's creation. I am His creation. I am a Muslimah. I have found my place in the Muslim Ummah.

Brittany Sullivan is twenty years old and is in the process of moving from Long Island, New York, to Kernersville, North Carolina. You can contact her through her website http://www.myspace.com/starrynightraja.