OSAMA DOESN’T CARE ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE

A 10 Minute Play written by Sabina England

CHARACTERS

ZEENA AYAT- a bored 21 years old Muslim Punk chick with dyed spiky hair and dog collar necklace.

OSAMA BIN LADEN-freshly shaved, dyed blonde hair, and wearing an Hawaiian shirt. No one recognizes him.

PLACE
The living room.

TIME
The present.

THE LIGHT COMES UP.

Zeena is bored and slumped on a couch, watching T.V late at night. Her eyes are glazed, and her mouth is open. Zeena is CLEARLY bored. Osama then enters the living room with a bag of chips and a can of Cola.

OSAMA
Yoo hoo. Move over. I wanna watch TV.

ZEENA
Go find yourself a seat.

OSAMA
You're a bitch.

ZEENA
(still staring at the TV screen)
Bite me.

(OSAMA THEN FINDS A SEAT ON THE COUCH AND SITS DOWN. HE SLURPS COLA AND EATS A FEW CHIPS)


OSAMA
What are you watchin?

ZEENA
Random shit on TV.

OSAMA
There's nothing good on TV.

ZEENA
Yeah dude. I know. I mean, dude! Where are the good horror movies?

OSAMA
Beats me, man.

(ZEENA CHANGES T.V CHANNEL. SHE THEN STOPS ON A NEWS CHANNEL)

(VOICE FROM T.V)
NEWS REPORTER
Reports are circulating that President Bush has no plans to catch international terrorist Osama bin-Laden...

(Osama then becomes nervous and looks at Zeena)

ZEENA
Dude!!! That guy on TV looks just like you!

OSAMA
Haha. Yeah man. I guess he does...

ZEENA
You should play Osama for Halloween.

OSAMA
Mmm?

ZEENA
Yeeaaaahhhhh. We should give you a fake beard and put a white robe on you. You can be Osama for Halloween. It'll be a hit.

OSAMA
I don't celebrate Halloween.

ZEENA
Oh.

OSAMA
(queasy)
Change the channel. I uhh I hate the news.

ZEENA
Why?

OSAMA
It's stupid. and boring.

ZEENA
But wait, man. They're talkin about Osama. it's been a few years since the 9-11 thing. Where the hell is Osama bin Laden?

OSAMA
I dunno.

ZEENA
Dude, George Bush has like, taken over Iraq and he overthrew Saddam. So what the hell happened to his plans to catch Osama?

OSAMA
I don't know, man. (beat) Maybe Osama decided to change his beliefs and now he's busy giving money to charities and helping kids in wheelchairs?

ZEENA
Maybe.

OSAMA
I mean, why are they making a big deal over 9-11? It was just some planes crashing into two tall buildidngs.

ZEENA
(laughs)
Yeah dude. A lot of people died, though.

OSAMA
People are dying everyday. All over the world.

ZEENA
Dude! I know! Nobody ever gives a shit about dying AIDS folks in Africa, or uhhh, the fighting in Palestine.

OSAMA
If Osama was white, then Americans wouldn't hate him as much.

ZEENA
What do you mean?

OSAMA
Woman, think about it. If Osama was a white male, then Americans wouldn't be as scared of him. They'd just see him as a psycho and put him away in prison, like Timothy McVeigh. But cos Osama is dark skinned and he ain’t Christian, he's seen as a much bigger threat. People are scared of Osama, cos he can take em down easily. (beat) Osama is like the Lion of the Middle East. Or Africa.

ZEENA
Mmmmmm.... yeah you got a good point there, my friend. (breaks into laughter) hahahahahah!!! OHHH SHIIIITTT MAN! I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING GREAT!!!

OSAMA
What?

ZEENA
HOW ABOUT THIS: "OSAMA DOESN'T CARE ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE!" I should make a bunch of T-shirts with a picture of Osama's face and the tagline on it!!! It'll be a HUUUUGE hit and I'll be rich.

OSAMA
(laughs nervously)
Hell yeah. Go for it, man.

ZEENA
(changes TV channel)
God, I'm bored!!!

OSAMA
Let's rip some shiiiit.

ZEENA
Let's do it, dude.

(Beat)

OSAMA
What do you wanna do?

ZEENA
Wanna go get drunk?

OSAMA
Naaaaahhhh. I don't drink.

ZEENA
Wanna hang out downtown, sit in the streets, and call out random stuff to people that walk by?

OSAMA
Sure. Sounds awesome.

ZEENA

Awesome, man. We’re gonna have so much fun. You totally rule, dude!

OSAMA

Yeah I know… (muttering) much more than you think.

(Light fades out)
(BLACK OUT)

(THE END)

Sabina England was born in Leeds, West Yorkshire England. Having been raised in the UK, US and India, she recieved her diploma from London Film Academy and a B.A in Theatre from University of Missouri. Having been Deaf as a baby, she suffered a traumatic childhood, due to her severe deafness, brown skin, and unusual Islamic upbringing. Her new play, How the Rapist was Born, will be seen onstage at Soho Theatre in London UK on November 2007. She is hoping to get published, and her writings and rantings can be found at http://sabinaengland.blogspot.com. She had been featured in national publications such as The Guardian, BITCH, Vox, Columbia Missourian, Mosaics, and a few others. She is suffering from extreme paranoia and likes to nurse herself by reading comic books.